Alternate Routes

First let me just say, I am a HUGE proponent of using Donor Eggs to complete your family and I am grateful that this is an option but, when you are seated across from a Doctor and he’s telling you that you will never have your own biological child..it’s heartbreaking..and you must go through the grieving process before you can move forward..at least I did.

I wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember…well, not just A mom…I wanted to be a Mom to MY child. Having been adopted as a baby, I never got what other people got…a connection. Most of my friends knew who they looked like, who’s eyes they had or chin…I didn’t…and I wanted so badly a chance to have that connection with my own kids and I never wanted any child of mine to not know where they came from or who’s eyes they had.

Being adopted comes with stigma, fear of abandonment, rejection and it was not easy growing up and not fitting in with your family. I know that my adoptive parents loved me, that was never the issue, the issue for me was the genetic connection..who’s eyes did I have, who’s nose?  I didn’t look like my parents…they both had blue eyes and our noses were very different and the only way I would ever have that was through my children.

But that was not to be and time was ticking and I had too much love inside me and knew I could love any baby, especially my husband's…I grieved my never to be born genetic children and began researching IVF using Donor Eggs..I poured over statistics at local clinics and made my appointment at the “Big” clinic here in Charlotte…I met with a sterile Doctor with no personality that told me that I had a year long wait to find a donor at their clinic and if I would like to move forward, to please pay a deposit on my way out..uh…no thank you…Just about the same time, a story was on MSN of a couple who had started a company in Ohio that took people to the Czech Republic for Donor Egg IVF..it was like a vacation, you got to site see and get IVF for way cheaper than you could ever do it in the states…I was all over this!!

I found a support board with women who had already gone over and had wonderful experiences with not only the vacation part but with the clinic and the Doctor…I was sold..now I just needed to get my husband on board.

Once my husband looked everything over, we contacted the agency, put down our deposit and we were ready to go..The donor process is much quicker over there as they have several universities that they recruit the donors from..you send the clinic a picture of you and your husband and your “wish” list and they match you up with a girl pretty quickly.

Getting ready for the cycle was fun…NOT!! Being that you are not at the clinic, you have to inject yourself with the appropriate meds and I have never done anything like that in my life…AND, I’m deathly afraid of needles…but this shot had to happen and no one else would do it so I had to put my big girl pants on and jam that needle into my leg..I did it…(still not sure how) and to mess with my husband..I had a lot of blood on my shirt from where I cut myself opening the meds bottle but he didn’t know that, so I went downstairs and I swear he nearly fainted when he saw the blood..and I just simply said to him..”told you I didn’t know what I was doing”…it was mean but necessary.

It was time for us to leave..we were so excited….nervous but excited! We were armed with translation books, meds, dvds to watch since we were told there was only 1 English tv channel..CNN, I think and warm clothing..it was November in the Czech Republic.

Once we arrived at our Pension (hotel), we met several other American couples that were there for treatment as well and became fast friends with most of them.

On our first appointment visit to the clinic, we were told that our Donor needed more time to “stim” and that our retrieval would be delayed a few days..we were told this was normal and not to worry…easy for them to say…

Retrieval day came and we were told that the procedure had to be stopped as our “Proven” 23 year old Donor had only produced 1 egg…that’s right..1!!  My husband wanted to cancel the rest of the trip and go home but I wanted to see if that 1 egg fertilized..that might just be our baby!! We were assured that our Donor would have 8 eggs the next day, no problem..and we believed this because we needed to and we were several thousand miles away and several thousand dollars in to the trip..

The next day, we were told that they retrieved another 8 eggs from her and that 7 fertilized including the 1 from the day before and that once they divided, we had 3 excellent eggs that they would transfer into me…as the procedure started, I remember it being quite painful, to the point of tears…I was doing my best to think positive but it really hurt. I was also concerned that I didn’t get to see the procedure on the big screen as others did..that was a red flag as were other things that happened.

Flash forward a few weeks…the week of Thanksgiving actually..we found out that we were not pregnant…I could barely contain myself as I talked to the nurse on the phone..my husband just held me as I sobbed..I just couldn’t believe it didn’t work…in my heart of hearts, one of two things happened…there were no embryos transferred (in the IVF world, you don’t go from having 1 egg to 8 eggs the next day..it doesn’t happen and I believe the donor screwed up) or it was just bad luck…I guess we will never know now, but I could never bring myself to do another cycle…my fear was greater than my want and I didn’t want to ever experience that pain again...so we decide to move on to adoption....a sure thing...right?? Wrong....