After our failed Donor Egg attempt, it was time to regroup and figure what our next move would be..do we try again and risk our emotions if it failed, or do we move on to the sure thing..adoption? It was not a decision to take lightly so we sat on it for a bit..probably longer than we should have..in the meantime, I was still buying into the miracle stories..maybe I would get pregnant by some odd twist of fate...and I did..but being that I was 42 and I was told my eggs were bad, it was what they call a Chemical Pregnancy...if you weren't trying to get pregnant, you would never know about this because it happens really early and your period is just late...another blow..I was really getting tired of all the gut wrenching emotions trying to have a baby was causing me and we decided to just live life and see what happened.
About a year or so later, I contacted an Adoption Agency to see where we needed to start because the desire was still so strong for me to be a Mom..I was told that I was too old and that Birthmothers' often liked to give their babies to couples in their early 30's...ouch! I tried to plead my case but she told me to consider International Adoption since it was age friendly..I contacted 2 more domestic agencies and was told the exact same thing....getting a newborn at my age would likely be impossible.
Let me just say, I have nothing against International Adoption, it is a wonderful option and have seen many friends realize their dream of having a child this way, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it...it never seemed right for us, and honestly, I felt cheated and I wanted a newborn..selfish I know.
As more time passed, I started to panic a little...where on earth do we go with this...domestic agencies won't consider us...do I just hang out outside of a local high school and approach the first knocked up teen I see?? My logic took over and decided that was not a great idea, so I contacted a local Adoption Attorney and was basically told that they could take my money but I needed to do all the work..advertise, start a website, create fliers...so I did..I bought books on how to market ourselves and went to work!
I sent out our postcards to every Ob/GYN office in town, every local high school guidance counselor, churches...you name it, I sent it there..I created a website and I have to say, it was pretty good..I linked it everywhere I could...but got nothing...nothing!! And so after several months, my husband asked me to take it down and stop all efforts..he felt like we were prostituting ourselves and I have to admit..he was right.
Finally, I got a phone call from my husband's cousin, who is an OB/GYN in our hometown...she had a patient that at that time was around 16 weeks pregnant or so and wanted to give the baby up because she had other children at home and just couldn't afford another...GREAT!!!!! This was it, it was finally going to happen...or was it??
The Birthmother had no prenatal care up to that point and was addicted to Methadone among other drugs..I began researching drug addicted babies, asked some nurse friends who worked in the neonatal unit about what they thought, and saw in other like babies...we needed to really think about this and wait for her 20 week ultrasound to see if the baby had certain markers...in the meantime, my Dad became very ill and we were called home...he died in January of 2012...the baby honestly was the last thing on my mind.
The baby was born 6 weeks early, and she had a lot of problems because of the Methadone as well as being premature and we had to pass on the adoption..we had never signed anything, never met with the mother, but my husband's cousin thought we would want her so she called us first. I felt awful about that sweet baby...all alone in the hospital's neonatal unit withdrawing from drugs...it broke my heart...I understand that she was adopted shortly after by a loving couple, so that does make me feel better....later, after beating myself up for rejecting this baby, I remembered praying...."please god, please just send a baby to us"...I never asked for the baby to be healthy...I learned a lot from that...be careful what you pray for...God IS listening!!
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