The Evil Pee Stick

The Home Pregnancy Test...the mere sight of it actually makes me sick to my stomach. Even the thought of it makes me break out into a cold sweat as I feel the blood drain from my body. Funny, such a tiny innocent looking little stick, can still  turn me into a puddle of nerves. Far worse than any horror movie I've ever seen, this little white stick, is by far, the scariest thing I have ever laid eyes on.

You see, I have a long complicated history with home pregnancy sticks. Yes, me and pee sticks go way back. I have peed on so many sticks I can't even count them. I have bought more pregnancy sticks than any one person should. Dare I say, that in fact, I was an addict. I have taken it out of the box, hopeful, every single time, peed, and then waited on pins and needles for the longest three minutes in history, while my fate came into focus. And all but twice in my trying to conceive history, it was as white as the driven snow.

I usually started peeing on the early response sticks five days before my expected period or beta (blood test) when we were trying on our own. And when the first one showed up white, I convinced myself it's because it's too early, which everyone will tell you that it is. So I continued to pee every single day, until finally, my period showed up or my beta confirmed it. It was like a sick love affair with the wrong guy. The guy who keeps breaking your heart, over and over, but you can't seem to shake. I kept letting him back into my life, to play with my emotions, believing that this time will be different, this time he will change, and every single month, over and over, he broke my heart into a million little pieces.

I have come to hate the women on TV commercials that plug these products...so much so, that still to this day, I mimick them and want to throw things at the TV..crazy I know...but sadly true.