The Blame Game

My husband has never blamed me for not being able to give him children..never once, and I am very lucky in that regard. I have seen marriages ripped apart due to Infertility and blaming one another. Going through this has only made us stronger and I am and will be forever grateful for this man.

There was a time that I blamed myself...for the loss of our son, and then for my mangled tubes and my inability to ever conceive naturally...I felt guilty for having to spend money to get me pregnant and then when it didn't work, I felt even worse...Infertility can really beat you up...you feel like you're not a woman because you can't do the one thing God made your body to do...you carry ALOT of guilt, shame, and then comes insecurity followed by depression. I'm not going to lie and say our marriage was always roses and sunshine while we were going through all of this, but somehow someway we worked it out and our love was stronger than all the demons that Infertility brought into our life.

There are still times that I feel bad for my husband...there will be no one to carry on the family name and that insecure part of me creeps back in and thinks maybe I should walk away from our marriage so that he can find someone who can give him a child..he's still young and he would be an amazing father..but that creepy demon is put back into the depths of my mind with the reassurance of his love for me and commitment to our life together.