There Are Days..

There are days when I don't think about my infertility and inability to have children but honestly those days are far and few between and although I am trying to accept this childless life..it's not easy. I adore children and I get so mad sometimes that I was cheated...that every door we tried to open slammed in our faces...and I just want to scream like a child or stomp my feet and say "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hear women complain about their children and abuse them, I see on the news that babies are abandoned or killed by their teen mothers and I wonder how in the world did these people deserve a child when they clearly couldn't appreciate the gift they were given and I WOULD have killed FOR a baby...I just really don't get it!

I fantasize all the time about having a newborn, what it must be like..the sounds they make, watching them sleep, having them snuggle into the crook of your neck and it seriously breaks my heart that I will never know that feeling and then after I have a good cry, I get mad...really mad, and really there's no point...it's never going to change..why do I waste that energy?? Because I feel cheated!!

As much progress as I think I have made in this acceptance phase, there are days when I wish it could still happen, that I could still get that phone call that says.."we have a baby for you"...